why am I not sure? 

woo, it’s been a minute! I’ll be honest and say I wasn’t planning on coming back to this thing, but … I’m here. just felt like writing and remembered I had a blog.

so much has happened since I last updated. SO much. for starters, I’m happily taken now. just when I was starting to think I’d be forever alone because of my issues, I found this guy. and I’ve told him almost everything about me. for anyone that knows me, that’s serious. I hate being open and honest about my life and personal issues to people. not only that, but I was telling this kid personal stuff from the first few conversations I had with him. that’s how I knew.

3 months in and although it sounds like a short time, the L word topic is booming. (no I’m not a lesbian, the other word.) no but really though, I’m at the point where I don’t know if I am or not. how do you know if you’re in love when you’ve never been in love? how does ANYONE know what being in love is? this shit is a foreign concept to me. all I know is, I care about dude a lot. and I love being with him. and I miss him when I’m not with him. but I also make up excuses to hold myself back from really getting attached to him because I’m afraid. of a lot of shit. also, he has a couple of ignorant views on things that bother me. don’t get me wrong, I’m never afraid to tell him what’s up. and when I do, he’s open to hearing my input and even agrees that he’s wrong sometimes. so I guess there was no point in mentioning that as a negative thing … see? I purposely try and find negative shit to hold me back.

anyway. I had a dream about 2 weeks ago that he died (morbid, I know) and I felt the oddest feeling. I told myself in the dream that it was like a kid getting a candy he/she really wants, and then someone just snatching it away from them. in other words, it was like I finally found the perfect person I needed, and then he was ripped away. unfair. but I woke up and was relieved to know it was just a dream.

so idk man, u tell me. does this sound like love to you? feel free to fill me in, love experts of the world. cuz I’m stuck.


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