why? men.

I know, I know, it’s been a while fan(s). but I’ve been busy trying to get my shit together. so far, it’s been working. school catch-up + job hunt has been taking over my life.

a small part of my life is being taken over by men … ah, men. a beautiful, yet confusing ass species. so, I thought I’d talk about it.

*warning* long, but interesting story ahead.

for some back story, I’ve been single for…. let’s just say a long time. by choice. I have issues (y’all should know that by now) with letting people in. and I truly believe that in order to love someone, you need to love yourself first. which has been an ongoing mission of mine for years. 23 to be exact. I think I’ve been making progress. and altho I’ve been single, I’ve talked/messed with a fair share of guys.

so I met two guys from my school. one approached me, the other we somewhat approached each other? which was new for me. actually, I was the one who asked to exchange numbers so yeah. I’m glad I’ve been taking initiative, but at the same time when it doesn’t work out it makes me second guess myself and in turn, not wanna do it again. let me discuss it.

so, as I was sitting down in one of my school’s hallways waiting for my next class, this guy approaches me and says “hey, do you know if there’s any more rooms with free pianos?”
it turns out the room I was sitting outside of was a place where students can play pianos in different rooms. I guess he went inside and saw that they were all taken, so he decided to ask me. I proceeded to say “hmm, nope not that I know of, sorry. *sad face*” he said “that’s alright,” smiled and walked away. but then he came back a little while later and checked again. he came back out looking like no luck, and I said “you didn’t find any?”
“nope!” he said. “and I really just wanna play this one song stuck in my head…”
me: aw, hate when that happens.
(I don’t know why I said this, I mean I have played piano before but…bitch plz)
him: yeah, I just have like 40 minutes before my next class and had nothing to do, so.
me: haha, that’s me right now. I have a class in about 30.
so then we small talk about our majors, and he sees someone leave the room, so he realizes this is his opportunity to get one before someone else does.
him: looks like a room freed up, I really wanna try this song.
me: you should go then!
him: do you wanna join? if you wanna watch.
me: yeah, sure why not.

by this point I was chuckling in my head, like “yaaaas”….

so we go into this really small room with just a keyboard and 2 seats, and he closes the door. it was like the start of a porno, but not really doe.

he sits, I sit. and then he says:

him: yeah so, the song is ‘the message’ by nas.
(another internal yaaas from me, since nas is my fave rapper)
me: oh nice, that’s one of my faves from him, along with ‘new york state of mind’.
he agrees, and for the next couple of minutes I watch him try and play this song by ear. I kept encouraging him as he tried, being turned the fuck on while doing so. and then he made it a little awkward by mentioning how he and his ex used to play together. I was like “aw, that’s cute” … he didn’t skip a beat and said “I haven’t seen her in like a year tho.” I laughed internally.

he finally got the song down, and was mad excited about it. it was cute. he then started to play me beats he produced that were on his phone and told me he’d love to be a producer. he had this one beat that was actually really good. it sounded like a rihanna song. so I told him how much I loved it and he was so flattered. the time was speeding up, and by this point I had to head to class. so we walk out and start walking the hall and he says, “I can’t believe I really got it down. you were my good luck charm, thanks.” I was like aw, shit…. and then for the next couple of seconds I waited to see if he would ask for my number before I needed to head to the stairs … but nada. so I said fuck it, and told him “if you ever want more opinions on ur beats, u can send them to me.” *lifts up phone*

he replied “haha yeah sure, I’ll give u my number,” so he put it in my phone and then we said bye.

so that was cute right? sounds like the beginning of a love story and shit? too bad it wasn’t. I texted him so that he can save my number. and I think I used the wrong approach, because my dumbass wrote “hey. send beats whenever lmao – marie” and he was like “okay thank you!” and then never wrote anything else for the remainder of the day. me doing my usual negative thinking, I thought “ah shit, what if he thinks I’m just trying to like, steal his beats or something?” I probably sounded like a thief with my text. “hey send beats man! I got mad people that would want that shit”…. idk, but even when I tried texting him the other day (which btw made me realize I had never been on the thirsty end in my life and I wasn’t thrilled about it) about how nas had released a new song and it was his power. all he said was, “no way! I gotta check that out, thank you!”

and still no initiation of conversation since. like, thassit? that’s all you got? I thought we had a connection…. guess not tho. my gut tells me that he’s already speaking to someone and the reason HE didn’t ask for my number was because of that. or maybe I’m just uglee. kay lemme stop, but men are confusing doe. get your shit together, yo.

in the meantime, I’m still talking to the other guy who’s a little on the weird side, but I like it. but that’s another story for another day.



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